Bacon Bath Salts

Now you can take a relaxing bath with the most wonderful smell in the world, bacon.

How to Make Bacon Bath Salts

Joke of the Week

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?" "Of course my child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you".

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!?"

Joke of the Week

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese guy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return..."

Friday Fun

The Quietus Mime Album Guessing Game

9 Year Casanova

This fourth grader, Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet, "How to Talk to Girls," and it became a best seller at his school book fair. Now, Harper Collins has picked it up. Here are some wisdom from this young casanova.

“It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,”

“Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.”

“The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.”

He believes the best way to approach a girl is to keep it to a simple “hi.”
“If I say hi and you say hi back, we’re probably off to a good start,” he said.

I WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE

Step Brothers Gag Reel

If you haven't seen Step Brothers yet, the DVD has just been released.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Joke of the Week

A pastor put together what he thought was a great sermon on heaven. As part of the theme, the pastor would occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

After awhile, the worshipers started getting into the theme and nod their head in agreement. To punctuate his sermon he would occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven? The congregation eventually started responding with a resounding, "Yes" in unison.

As the sermon continued, the preacher noticed one little old lady near the front was sitting still and not responding. Several more times he shouted, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Everyone else responded excitedly, "Yes."

After the sermon the preacher thought maybe he should talk to the lady about her lack of enthusiasm. As she came by to shake his hand on her way out the door the preacher said, "I couldn't help but notice you didn't say 'yes' when I asked everyone if they wanted to go to heaven. Is there a problem?"

The lady said, "No, as excited as you were getting I was just afraid you were getting a bus load together to go today."