Now that it is back to school time, here are a few Skytrain etiquette reminders:
Skytrain commuters of the lower mainland, I implore you. As we head into the summer months, we must be vigilant and be mindful of our personal hygiene. Sure some of us run late. And there are some of us who prefer an evening shower to its morning counterpart. But if, if you detect the faintest, yes even the faintest emanation of body odour, please, take that 5 minutes and have a shower.
On our beloved train, we stand face to face and dare I admit at times groin to butt. Add in the gentle swaying of the train and there's some real intimacy there. The likes of which, well I can only wish to know outside of the Expo and Millennium Lines. So the next time you roll out of bed late or you're setting your alarm the night before, build in that shower time. It's for the greater good of man. Thank you in advance.
Gently Swaying, Kramer
Where am I going with this? Well, it’s another Skytrain “incident” and for those of you keeping track, yes, it’s two straight Skytrain blogs, but really, I ride the train twice a day. Short of airing office gossip and regaling you with tales of my sleeping and eating patterns, the Skytrain is a pretty interesting part of my life – a window into everyday Vancouver, if you will.
Setting is once again the Skytrain…it was a mild March afternoon, to my surprise; it wasn’t an overly crowded day. In fact, it was downright spacious. As usual, I’m minding my own business. However, I have a habit of taking a quick inventory of my surroundings whenever I enter a train. I’m told it’s a good idea for safety reasons. One can never be too sure on the train.
On this day, all seems normal - except for this one dude. And no, it’s not a scary thing or even a gross thing. There’s this guy in dark plastic sunglasses and denim jacket - pretty non-descript. (But really, as a rule of thumb, watch out for those in denim jackets – worse yet denim vests). Only thing was he was gnoshing on a cucumber.
I’ve never seen that. Apples, oranges, pears, even the odd mackinaw peach…but I’ve never seen whole vegetables snacked upon, nevermind a cucumber. Again, I can accept mushrooms, green peppers, or even celery sticks but who snacks on a whole raw cucumber – on public transit? Do that behind closed doors. To make matters worse, behind those sunglasses, I don’t know if he’s staring at me, but it sure looks like he is. Staring straight ahead with a blank look and a cucumber.
Call it homophobia. Call it paranoia. I just felt a bit awkward with all that cucumbering (if that’s a word). Fortunate for my Lachanophobia (fear of vegetables, for the uninitiated, and a potential future blog), my stop was next. I make a hasty retreat and dash home – back to the familiar embrace of my kitchen and trusted Mackinaw peach. It’s in season, you know.
Yes, I’m one of the 1-in-4 Vancouverites who use public transit. Daily, I’m greeted with the prospect of carefully pouring myself into the strange human brew that is our Surrey neighbours to the east, ladies from the secretarial pool, and the very foreign exchange students. Yes, it is a diverse group. Yet we are bonded by not only questionable hygiene but, apparently very precise and defined marketing segmentation.
Take a look around the train next time. No, not at the commuters - I try not to make eye contact. But look at the ads. “Unplanned Pregnancy?”, “Bankruptcy?”, “Need a career change?”, “Got Some Family Abuse?” According to the almighty marketers, this seemingly is what us Skytrain commuters have in common. (See why I avoid eye contact? We look strange and indeed, we are strange).
Every ad revolves around these real but depressing issues. Whatever happened to the Pepsi, Kit Kat, or Garnier Fructis ads? It's not enough that we’re packed uncomfortably close to each other but really, must we be reminded of our inadequacies?
Well, I don’t think we’re all bankrupt unemployed bastards, but crammed shoulder to backpack and reading these ads, it gets downright depressing. So marketers, do us a favour! Bring back the consumer ads - chocoate bars, coffee, hair products (yes, hygiene products please) - and give yourselves a Kit Kat, give us commuters a break!
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