Friday Fun

Fluid

Bacon Stuffed Pork

Forget about the turkey this year, the bacon stuffed pork is what is going to wow your guests this year!

Here is the recipe.

Baconize your page

Click here for the Bacon version of Vandelay Industries.

Bacon Bath Salts

Now you can take a relaxing bath with the most wonderful smell in the world, bacon.

How to Make Bacon Bath Salts

Joke of the Week

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?" "Of course my child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you".

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!?"

Joke of the Week

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese guy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return..."

Friday Fun

The Quietus Mime Album Guessing Game

9 Year Casanova

This fourth grader, Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet, "How to Talk to Girls," and it became a best seller at his school book fair. Now, Harper Collins has picked it up. Here are some wisdom from this young casanova.

“It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,”

“Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.”

“The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.”

He believes the best way to approach a girl is to keep it to a simple “hi.”
“If I say hi and you say hi back, we’re probably off to a good start,” he said.

I WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE

Step Brothers Gag Reel

If you haven't seen Step Brothers yet, the DVD has just been released.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Joke of the Week

A pastor put together what he thought was a great sermon on heaven. As part of the theme, the pastor would occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

After awhile, the worshipers started getting into the theme and nod their head in agreement. To punctuate his sermon he would occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven? The congregation eventually started responding with a resounding, "Yes" in unison.

As the sermon continued, the preacher noticed one little old lady near the front was sitting still and not responding. Several more times he shouted, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Everyone else responded excitedly, "Yes."

After the sermon the preacher thought maybe he should talk to the lady about her lack of enthusiasm. As she came by to shake his hand on her way out the door the preacher said, "I couldn't help but notice you didn't say 'yes' when I asked everyone if they wanted to go to heaven. Is there a problem?"

The lady said, "No, as excited as you were getting I was just afraid you were getting a bus load together to go today."

Friday Fun

Build your own robots to do assigned tasks:

IncrediBot

Newspaper Ads

Here are some real newspaper clippings.

Real Ads

80's Shawshank

If the Shawshank Redemption was made in the 80's, here is what the ending would be like:

Joke of the Week

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa... go home! You're drunk!"

Friday Fun

A dice game of skill and chance

Zilch

Picking up after your dog

Here is a nice design for a pooper scooper.

Shipoop

Need a Good Lawyer?

Not that your typical lawyer looks like Little John in front of his Mercedes brandishing a Jamacian belt buckle, but this lawyer is probably marketing to the right people he represents. Peter "P'Ta Mon" John Trial Lawyers is the "Q" Firm.

Coolest Lawyer Ever

Worst Breakfast Sandwich Ever

My nominee for worst breakfast sandwich ever has to be Tim Horton's B.E.L.T. You would think that Bacon, Eggs, Lettuce, and Tomatoe on a toasted bagel should be a good idea, but somehow Timmy's has managed to screw this simple concept up. The problem is when you put a slice of raw tomatoe in a super heated environment with egg & bacon, it turns into a flaccid mess. Also, because the bagel is toasted to almost kevlar like hardness, the moment you bite into it, not only does it squirt out the other end but you end up wearing most of it. Definitely not the ideal way to spend a Monday morning. And yes, after eating this horrible excuse for a breakfast sandwich I did get a case of the mondays. Usually I give a three strikes you're out rule with food but in this case one is enough.

100 Movie Spoilers

Flair Hair Visor

Having a bad hair day? Or do you want to cover up the baldness. Try the Flair Hair Visor.

Joke of the Week

A man goes to a disco and starts chatting up a very attractive looking Chinese girl. She appears to be all over him and soon asks him back to her place for a coffee. When they get to her flat she tells him to help himself to a drink while she slips into something more comfortable.

Just as he finishes getting his drink the sexy Chinese seductress returns wearing only a see-through negligee. "I am your sex slave!" she says, "I will do absolutely ANYTHING you want"

Well the man is taken a little bit by surprise and can't believe his luck so he says: "I really fancy a 69".

"Fuck Off" she replies... "I'm not cooking ginger beef at this time of night!"

Friday Fun

Tetris/Jenga Mashup

99 Bricks

Dancing Squirrels

Civilized Approaches to Eating

Eating a chocolate bar with a knife and fork:



How about eating popcorn with chopsticks:

Joke of the Week

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favourite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say "yes", but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay.

She smiled, and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed!

Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed.

They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbour a burning desire to beat her!
In the third week they all had their game faces on... But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life, to beat her. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up.
This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play; it was hard to hold a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushed, and grinned. She said, "That's easy when my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude.

From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.
All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it pointed straight up in the air?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late..."

Friday Fun

Another physics game

Splitter

Men's Underwear Repair Kit

Tired of flipping around your underwear cause all of your other pieces have holes, broken elastic, etc? You don't have to, now that you can get the Men's Underwear Repair Kit.

Inventions

What do popsicles, microwaves, ice cream cones, champagne, brandy, post-its, potato chips, penicillin, pacemakers, and super glue have in common? They are all inventions invented by accident.

Accidental Inventions

Super Tuesday

Today is the day!

Presidential Dance Off



Barack Obama Eats Babies

Joke of the Week

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7am."Signed, "The Blonde."

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Happy Halloween

Have you ever discover a marking on your driveway on the morning after Halloween? Well, there seems to be a Halloween Candy Code among kids such as these markings.

Ethnic Candy

Out of Candy, now giving out sauce packets from Taco Bell

For more markings: Kids Halloween Candy Code

Friday Fun

Test your Short Term Memory

The short term memory checker

German Police are Looking for Animal

German traffic police are looking for a speeding Muppet. An Audio A4 Avant has been repeatedly photographed speeding on speeding cameras. The speed cameras in Germany take pictures of drivers who sit on the left side of the car, so UK cars cannot be identified.

This ingenious driver has strategically placed Animal on the left side of his car.

German police seek speeding British Muppet

What Kind of Food are You?

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Wassup 2008

Let's see what the Budweiser Wassup guys are up to after 8 years.

Joke of the Week

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $5 each. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $5 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $10. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer increased to $15 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50. However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

In the man's absence, the assistant told the villagers "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $45 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never again saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

And THAT ladies and gentleman is how the stock market works...

Friday Fun

Building bridges

Wooden Path

Run across space

Run

Times are Tough

Getting free stuff at McDonald's. Don't forget the free smiles too.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

DIY IKEA Hacks

Here are 10 ideas on modifying your IKEA furniture:

Top 10 IKEA Furniture Mods

I especially like the one to embed a scrap bowl in your chopping table.

Joke of the Week

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in a farmer's garden."I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato" said the boy to the farmer, pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.

"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."

The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "

Yes, I'll give you that one for two cents." replied the farmer.

"Ok," said the small boy, sealing the deal by placing his coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

Friday Fun

Drag a virtual spider around your screen. Sorry, no magnifying glass.

Play with Spider

This game reminds me of the target shooting game you find at the fair. Click on items around the Oval Office to get surprises.

President Palin

Awesome shoot'em up game

Toon Crisis

Amazing Coincidences

I love the introduction to Magnolia, describing coincidences. Here are 10 more to read about:

10 Amazing Coincidences

1 Click Award

A bunch of Japanese men bowing to form the words you type in the text box.

1-click Award

Joke of the Week

A young boy enters a barber shop and the Barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The Barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the Barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store and says, "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

Friday Fun

Test your geometry skills and your eyeballing abilities:

Eyeballing Game

Take On Me by A-Ha

The literal version of Take on Me:



Family Guy's version of Take on Me:

You have to see the baby

Here are some examples of what parents of the 80's do to their kids:



8 Good Examples Of What Happens When Geeks Have Children

#1 Hit Songs

Visual graphs of the top music genres over the past decades


http://www.verysmallarray.com/

Joke of the Week

Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, and I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra: Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black and blue with the skin hanging off in some places.

Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies, "DEEP HEAT?! Are you insane? You can't put Deep Heat on your dick while it's in that condition!!"

Crash says, "I know. It's for my arms - the girls didn't show up..."

Friday Fun

Whiteboard Tower Defense

The Sarah Palin Show

Tonight's the VP debate, otherwise known as the Sarah Palin show.

Remember to have your Sarah Palin bingo cards ready when you are watching:

Sarah Palin Bingo Cards

Don't Vote

Jonah Hill just steals this entire PSA.

National Do Not Call Day

The Canadian National Do Not Call list takes into effect today. You can call 1-866-580-3625 or log on to http://www.LNNTE-DNCL.gc.ca and follow a few easy steps to be on the list. This should stop most of those telemarketers who interrupt you during dinner.

Otherwise, continue pranking the telemarketers like Tom Mabe:

Joke of the Week

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, right on his twitchy little nose.

"Oh please excuse me," said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!"

The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're cold, you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls... You must be a POLITICIAN."

They're not all Twix

Take on the George Costanza Candy Identification Quiz:

Link

Friday Fun

Program your robot to move a bunch of steps to light up the blue boxes.

Light Bot

How to Grow Grass

If your co-worker is going on a 2 week vacation, try this prank. Growing grass in his keyboard.

The Beginnings of an Invention

Napkin sketches are where great ideas begin. Here are a few great ideas ready to launch with a few tweaks.

The Pizza Fax

Napkin Sketches

Joke of the Week

Three Labrador Retrievers -one brown, one yellow and one black- were sitting in the vet's waiting room when they struck up conversation.

The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?". The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I go on everything - the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I went in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the brown lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."

The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?". The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts, too." The dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, mailboxes, whatever. I want to do everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?" The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

Friday Fun

Testing your 8 bit knowledge. How well do you know your classic video game sounds.

Name that Game

Bring Breast Awareness Back to the Workplace

National Do Not Eat List

In honour of the upcoming National Do Not Call List coming into effect on September 30, 2008 here in Canada; and in my stomache's protest to the restaurant I just frequented, I gotta say, we need a National Do Not Eat List.

What is a working man to do for lunch these days? I feel like sushi but what they have downtown, for the working crowd is just gross. Sushi has been bastardized by all you can eats and these little lunch combos offered up by every Asian nationality.

I keep boycotted them and moving on to others. They just continue to disappoint. So I'm going to start (hopefully, you'll follow), the National Do Not Eat List:

- Ichiban-Ya restaurant on Thurlow and Robson, Vancouver BC. Fish was gross and I'm trying to wash away the taste but my tea tastes like soap. Sushi should be pleasant, healthy...foul fish and soapy water - Bam! National Do Not Eat List.

Please feel free to add on the comments section!

Maximum Pads

EepyBird's Sticky Note experiment from Eepybird on Vimeo.

Joke of the Week

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" I don't remember much after that"...

Latest Microsoft ad with Jerry and Bill

Friday Fun

For those people who love to pop those packing bubbles, try this one out. You have to stop ballons from going across the screen. Each time you pop a bloon, you get that satisfying popping sound.

Bloons Tower Defense 3

Public Service Announcement

How not to play the Wii

World Name Profiler

Find out where your surname comes from. Here are a few examples:

Costanza - Italian
Seinfeld - Jewish
Kramer - Jewish
Benes - Polish

Sadly, there is no information for Vandelay.

World Name Profiler

Joke of the Week

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole in one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realised he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up finishing all eighteen.

He finished his round shooting a personal best 61 shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant, and then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.

He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor started to snicker and said, "Just kidding! She died more than two hours ago. What'd you shoot?"

Jerry Seinfeld & Bill Gates Ad

Friday Fun

Pretend to look like you are hard at work typing while you play this typing race game.

Type Racer

Doing the Opposite

George Costanza's life advice to do the opposite actually has a real medical term, paradoxical intention. Doing the opposite of you what you intend to do will result in good things.

The George Costanza Lifehack for Overcoming Fear and Anxiety

24 hours in New York

A guy's 24 hours trip in New York using pictures taken from his iPhone.


[A 24 Hour Trip to New York] from M. Ward on Vimeo.

Grumf Sings Barry White

Skytrain Etiquette

Now that it is back to school time, here are a few Skytrain etiquette reminders:

• Take off your backpack
• Move to the back of the platform instead of lingering around the stairways to ease up on overcrowding on the platform
• and of course, personal hygiene.

Automatic Movie Pitching Machine

Try the movie pitching machine to creat titles of your favorite movies. Here are a few examples:

• Earth Girls are The Big Easy
• My Best Friends Wedding Cousin Vinny
  

I Apocalypse Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Joke of the Week

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"


Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.


Principal: "What is 3 x 3?".


Harry: "9".


Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".


And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and teacher, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."


The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"


Harry, after a moment, "Legs."


Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"


The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Pockets."


Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"


Harry: "Pants"


Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of hot excitement?"


Harry: "Fire truck"


The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth grade. Hell, I missed the last four questions myself."

Friday Fun

Calling all engineers. Test your skills by building a moving object reach its destination:

Fantastic Contraption

Bankers vs Consultants

Damn it feels good to be a banker.

Rude Rainbow with Zippy

British kids show with some innuendos.

Meet the Torrances

Kirk Demarais created a bunch of movie family paintings as part of the Crazy 4 Cult art show. For more of his other works, you can check them out here.

Things to do with leftover coffee grounds

Don't throw out that leftover coffee grounds. There are plenty of other uses for them. Like using the grounds as a skin exfoliant, deodorizer, and hair shine solution. It is the natural WD-40. Here are some more uses:

11 Good Reasons Why Coffee Grounds are Worth Keeping

Joke of the Week

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.

The little boy asks, "Can I have a beer Grandpa?"

Grandpa replies, "Can your pecker touch your ass?"

The little boy answered, "No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker."

Gramps says, "Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer."

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks, "Can I have a cigar Grandpa?"

Once again, Grandpa asks, "Can your pecker touch your ass?"

Once again the little boy replies, "No, it's too little."

Gramps replies, "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar".

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies. Grandpa asks, "Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?"

The boy asks, "Can your pecker touch your ass?"

Gramps replies, "Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass."

The little boy replies, "Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these for me."

Friday Fun

Put your spatial perception into perspective with this 3d puzzle game. Assemble as many images from an abstract cloud as you can before time runs out.

Coign of Vantage

Celebrity Endorsements

Apple ad with a young Jerry Seinfeld




HP ad with Jerry Seinfeld



Other Celebrity Endorsements

Unbelievable Medical Conditions

A woman who orgasms 200 times a day, a man who cannot get fat, a girl who only eats tic tacs. Unbelievable medical oddities, but does not compare to randomly twitching arm movements. Nevertheless, here are these other stories:

10 People with Unbelievable Medical Conditions

Easy Butter Dispenser

I have been searching everywhere to find a butter dispenser, and this is exactly what I am looking for. The one click butter cutter.

What am I going to be using this for, you may ask? To dispense as a sun tan lotion, of course!

Joke of the Week

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen.

The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

The cowboy had another beer then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

Sumo Coffee Table

When I start working on my coffee table book about coffee tables, this sumo wrestler coffee table is going to be on the cover.

Basho the Sumo Wrestler

Friday Fun at the Office

Here are a few things to try out for an afternoon of fun and pranks at the office:

Friday Fun

Switch is a simple puzzle game that requires you to collect balls. You must collect the same colour, or you will lose all your balls, and your life. When you are done collecting one color, click the mouse to switch colors.

Switch

Buttock Enlarging Cream

Is this what Jennifer Lopez has been using all this time? Or maybe it is the secret Kim Kardashian ever grown behind.

Seinfeld hits the road

The Seinfeld Campus Tour sets out on its 26 city, 10,000 mile tour making stops at college campuses and various other outlets.

Seinfeld Campus Tour

Cold Cuts Quiz

Put a Jackie Davis record on, wear your butcher's coat, and start up the slicer. Now test your knowledge of cold cuts:

Cold Cuts Quiz

70 creative business cards

Here is a bunch of amazingly creative business cards.

70 Amazing Business Cards

I still like the one Patrick Bateman has in American Psycho.

Testing your accents

Test to see if you can recognize where someone's accent is from:

Can you guess where I'm from?

The GoateeSaver

The GoateeSaver helps you get the perfect goatee. Put the GoateeSaver on your face, bite down on the mouth piece, make adjustments, and shave around it.

The GoateeSaver

Joke of the Week

Two Jewish men, Morrey and Eli were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. Morrey asked Eli, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in China?"

Eli replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter came by, Eli asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know, I'll ask the cooks."

He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Chinese Jews."

Eli wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with Gwai Lo's gave the expected answer, "I will check again," and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away, Morrey said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returned and said, "The head cook said there is no Chinese Jews."

"Are you certain?" Morrey asked once again, "I can't believe there are no Chinese Jews!"

"I ask everyone," replied the exasperated waiter. "All we have is orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews."

Friday Fun

Bathroom Prank

When Eduardo went on vacation, his co-workers converted his office into a bathroom.

Vote for George

George Costanza has been asked by the California Democrats to run for senate!

Costanza for Senate

They're big, they're tall...

The Top 10 Phallic structures

Keyboard Napkins

Eating your lunch at your desk at work? Your keyboard can accumulate more bacteria than on your toilet. Well, the keyboard napkin helps prevents those nasty crumbs from getting into your keyboard.

The Keyboard Napkin

What your toothbrushes do when you are out

Oral sex of course!

Pret-ty Pret-ty Good

Test your knowledge on Curb Your Enthusiasm:

Joke of the Week

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green... and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How very unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathised Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed?" said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
M
other Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "DON'T TELL ME YOU MISSED THE FUCKING PUTT!?"

Grass Flip Flops

Doughnut maker, Krispy Kreme has developed a grass flip flop that allows stressed out office workers to put them on and feel like they are walking in the park.

Now, if they could put some sandpaper on the flip flops to make you feel like you are walking on the beach.

Krispy Kreme Grass Flip Flops

Friday Fun

The ultimate Rock, Paper, Scissors with 25 gestures!

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Carnival Time

It is carnival time! Ever walk down a midway to get your ego boosted by all of the carnies, then have it all blown away by playing the games. Here is an article on how to win at the carnival.

Win at the Carnival

Senior Citizen Bumper Stickers

For more stickers follow this link.

Your Morning Coffee

We all wake up, and many of us reach for that amazing potion that we call coffee. I cannot live without it as part of my daily routine. But people are different, and here is a list of what people do while they enjoy their morning cup of coffee:

Coffee Habits: 10 Things People Do with the First Cup of the Day

What do you do when you are taking in your first cup of coffee?

List of Unusual Names

If you are ever get caught in a bind and need to come up with a fake name, here is a list of unusual names:

List of unusual personal names

A few notables:

• Espn - The name of two boys from Michigan and Texas, named for the popular cable sports channel ESPN
• Optimus Prime. A member of the United States National Guard which legally changed his name to one of a Transformers character
• Number 16 Bus Shelter - Registered name of a child in New Zealand
• Dick Assman - Canadian service station owner whose name propelled him to international celebrity status in 1995.
• Seymour Cocks - British politician
• Dick Seaman - early British Grand Prix racing star
• Rusty Kuntz - baseball player

Joke of the Week

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. "I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

"I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied. "No, I won't." "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.

"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!" "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

What's the deal with Dubs?

So what exactly is the deal with dubs that every man, woman, and grandpa feel the need to trick out their rides with oversized rims no matter how hideous they may look? Chrysler 300's, Cadillac Escalades and Yukon Denali's seem to be the usual culprits. Has anyone seen a Cadillac Escalade out there that rides on anything less than 22's?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big proponent of aftermarket rims having purchased the first set of wheels for my 1991 Honda civic at a whopping 14" back in 1992. I eventually replaced those with a set of 15's and then the elusive 16's, 3 sizes larger than the original stockers. This was a big deal at the time as wheel customization was certainly in its infancy during the early 90's. Anyone with aftermarket rims was part of an underground culture and you certainly felt as if your ride was unique from a stock car.

I'm not sure what's happened in the past few years but somehow it's acceptable for 65 year old retirees to have chrome spinners on their caddy's. How about that grocery getting soccer mom with 20's on that Magnum of hers? For all the old school guys out there like me, it's time to dust off those 14's in our garages and bring this shiznit back to the streets.

Friday Fun

Move the sliding blocks to its respective color.

Blockoban

Friday Fun

Sushi Go Round

12 Perfect 80's Movies

Here is a list of 12 movies from the 80's that should never be remade because they are perfect. Ferris Bueller tops the list, and it should never be remade in any way. As evident with the short-lived TV show with Jennifer Aniston.

12 Awesome 80’s Movies That Are Perfect

Robot Restaurant

A restaurant in Yiwu, China seems to have a very hard-working couple. You see them working in the restaurant from opening at 6:00AM to closing at 3:00AM, 21 hours a day. Rumors about the couple as robot workers developed in the village. Well, the mystery has been solved.

Robot restaurant mystery solved

Grand Theft Elmo

Baby's First Internet

Baby's First Internet is an online book by Kevin Fanning and Kean Soo that helps teach young ones about the Internet:

Baby's First Internet

Name that cereal

Test your knowledge at recognizing these breakfast cereals:

Breakfast Cereal ID Quiz

Jerry got 20/20.

Dwight Schrute does the Weather

Joke of the Week

A mother took her young daughter to an art museum. They came across a statue of a naked man.

The daughter pointed to its penis and asked, "What's that?"

The mother said, "That's something boys have and girls don't."

Her daughter said, "But I want one."

Wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible, the mother said, "Well, if you're a good girl you'll get one when you grow up."

Her daughter asked, "And what if I'm bad?"

A security guard who overheard the conversation mumbled, "Then you'll get lots of them!"

-----
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.

Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?".

She replied, "Because I really miss mine."

The Dark Knight - Deleted Scene

Friday Fun

A Jenga-like puzzle game where you must eliminate supports in order to safely lower the totem in each level.

Totem Destroyer

Another puzzle game that requires you to open doors in certain order to get through.

Open Doors

I am never going to work for Yahoo

If this sign is an indication of what it is like at Yahoo, I would be very wary of going to the washrooms there.

Step Brothers - Deleted Scene

Show and Tell

How to traumatize your baby

Here are 20 inventions that will be sure to traumatize junior. My favorite, the Baby Mop. Get junior doing chores at an early age.

20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants

Golf Cart Track

The Showa-No-Mori golf course in Japan has a unique golf cart system. Your clubs are carried on a robotic cart that travels on a track around the course.

How to cheat at the Claw Game

A little girl finds a way to get the toy she wants in the claw game:

Joke of the Week

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek says "Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon."

The Irishman replies, "Well, it was the Irish who discovered the summer and winter solstices."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, "The Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars."

And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!"

The Irishman replies, "Indeed, 'tis true but it was we Irish who introduced it to women."

McDonald's Brunch Sandwich

An Egg McMuffin Chicken Sandwich. But you can only order Egg McMuffins before 11:00AM and Chicken Selects after 11:00AM. Well, there is this little space of time where you can order both and combine them into a McDonald's Brunch Sandwich.



I would like to see them add a hashbrown patty into the sandwich to make it the ultimate sandwich.

Friday Fun

Do you have what it takes to play 4 games at the same time?

Multitasking

Muttonhead

Heineken Ad

The Hockey Organ

This is an awesome mashup of a bubble hockey table merged with an organ.

The Hockey Organ

The Fake Knight

Nice spoof on the Dark Knight:


http://view.break.com/533726 - Watch more free videos

Not a square to spare

What is the correct way to hang the toilet paper? Over or under? I have always done it over, and it looks like the people at Current Configuration agrees.

Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right, Under is Wrong

The Brown Corporation

What does the Brown Corporation do? Well it has this really unique box called the Shit Box. "The Shit Box is a lightweight portable cardboard toilet, made specifically for outdoor use. The box pops up from a convenient 14 inch flat pack to a rigid, reusable, comfortable toilet. Each box comes with ten degradable poo bags."

I was seeing double

Twins on the 6 train

Joke of the Week

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted the man with the Porsche standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men." What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "B.J. Titsengolf."

NSFW Balloon Art

Jedi Gym

An innovative way to do your workout:



Watch it until the end for the twist.

Friday Fun

Flying animals

Hedgehog Launch

Sunny Day Sky

Jumping the Shark

"Jumping the Shark" is a phrase used to describe that a TV show has passed its peak with ridiculous plotlines. The origins of this phrase came from Happy Days, when the Fonz was wearing swim trunks and his leather jacket, jumps over a shark while water skiing.

Now after the release of the latest Indiana Jones movie, there is a new phrase, "Nuked the Fridge." This is a result of the scene when Indiana Jones finds himself at ground zero at a nuclear test site and slips into a fridge. Miraculously, Indiana Jones survives.

So, start using the phrase "Nuked the Fridge" at least once during your day today.

The Q-Drum

The Q-Drum is a low cost rollable water container. It allows people to move 50 liters of water in a safe and hygienic way instead of carrying water on their heads. It has got to be the greatest invention since the wheel.

The Q-Drum

Beware of the Snake

Some of the best acting and special effects I have ever seen:

Joke of the Week

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were... 'fuck or drown'".

Please help Larry David

Announcement

I am going to run for office:

Friday Fun

Rollercoaster Rush

You control the speed and brakes for a rollercoaster.

Not that there is anything wrong with that

This ad got banned in the UK for what happens at the end:

The Paper Money Clip

Knight Rider GPS

mio knight rider gps from knight rider online on Vimeo.

Even though this is so cool for my car, I think I am going to hold out for the KARR version.

Swedish Furniture Name Generator

Ikea seems to generate some funky names for their furniture. The Swedish Furniture Name Generator generated Vandelay as Svantelaii.

To find out your Swedish Furniture name, click on the link above.

The Jerk Store

Ok, so I was walking around New York the other day, and I came across the Jerk Store. Naturally, I had to go in to see if they had any jerks in stock. Yes they did, and I bought one for $49.99! Here is the receipt:

Ok, this isn't a real receipt. You can make your own custom recipts at http://www.customreceipt.com/. You could also make your own road signs here too:

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

There are things that people continuously say at the office that gets on my nerves. Here are 50 of them gathered by Lucy Kellaway's campaign against office jargon:

50 office-speak phrases you love to hate

Joke of the Week

On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.

"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked.

"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.

"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"

"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."

--
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy said "Me feet are freezing, will you nip upstairs and get my slippers for me?"

"No bother", said Murphy and goes upstairs. There he finds Paddy's stunning twin 19 year old daughters sitting on the bed.

"Hello girls", he said smiling, "Your Dad sent me up here to shag the pair of ye!"

"Feck off ya liar!" they replied.

"I'll prove it!" says Murphy, so he shouts down the stairs "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course! What's the use of fucking one?"

Letters to Serial Killers

This is almost like Letters from a Nut, where a writer with too much time writes letters to various businesses with really absurd requests. The response from these businesses are hilarious.

In the Billy Letters, Bill Geerhart posing as a 10 year old boy writes to several serial killers like Charles Manson. The responses are a great read!

The Billy Letters

CNN Blooper

Friday Fun

Super Mario Kart


Bonus Game:

Puzzle Farter

50 Cents Value Name

50 Cent has been asked to change his name to 79 Cent by a US fast food chain. The 'In Da Club' rapper was challenged by Taco Bell to consider calling himself 79, 89 or 99 Cent to promote the restaurant's new value menu. Taco Bell have promised to donate $10,174 to a charity of the rapper's choice if he also agrees to stop at one of their outlets and rap his order at the drive-thru.
The eatery will also treat all the customers at the star's chosen restaurant to free meals. Taco Bell President and CEO Greg Creed said in a letter to the singer: "We know that you adopted the name 50 Cent years ago as a metaphor for change. We at Taco Bell are also huge advocates for change. We encourage you to 'Think Outside the Bun' and hope you accept our offer."

50 - real name Curtis Jackson - previously showed his love for fast food during a tour of the UK last year. The hip-hop star reportedly gave a rider to each British concert venue he visited, requesting a KFC chicken bucket served to him on fine china.

Breadmaking in the 80's

Foot Update

The sixth foot was a hoax. An animal paw was inserted into the shoe, namely an Adidas shoe. Maybe this latest one is a marketing scheme by someone at Adidas or just a hoaxster playing with us.

The Mystery of the Missing Feet

Feet are washing onshore all around Vancouver in the past few years. So far the sixth one was found yesterday in Campbell Island. What are your theories on where these feet are coming from?


View Larger Map

Lost Feet In Vancouver