Where has the Mackinaw Peach Gone?

Where am I going with this? Well, it’s another Skytrain “incident” and for those of you keeping track, yes, it’s two straight Skytrain blogs, but really, I ride the train twice a day. Short of airing office gossip and regaling you with tales of my sleeping and eating patterns, the Skytrain is a pretty interesting part of my life – a window into everyday Vancouver, if you will.

Setting is once again the Skytrain…it was a mild March afternoon, to my surprise; it wasn’t an overly crowded day. In fact, it was downright spacious. As usual, I’m minding my own business. However, I have a habit of taking a quick inventory of my surroundings whenever I enter a train. I’m told it’s a good idea for safety reasons. One can never be too sure on the train.

On this day, all seems normal - except for this one dude. And no, it’s not a scary thing or even a gross thing. There’s this guy in dark plastic sunglasses and denim jacket - pretty non-descript. (But really, as a rule of thumb, watch out for those in denim jackets – worse yet denim vests). Only thing was he was gnoshing on a cucumber.

I’ve never seen that. Apples, oranges, pears, even the odd mackinaw peach…but I’ve never seen whole vegetables snacked upon, nevermind a cucumber. Again, I can accept mushrooms, green peppers, or even celery sticks but who snacks on a whole raw cucumber – on public transit? Do that behind closed doors. To make matters worse, behind those sunglasses, I don’t know if he’s staring at me, but it sure looks like he is. Staring straight ahead with a blank look and a cucumber.

Call it homophobia. Call it paranoia. I just felt a bit awkward with all that cucumbering (if that’s a word). Fortunate for my Lachanophobia (fear of vegetables, for the uninitiated, and a potential future blog), my stop was next. I make a hasty retreat and dash home – back to the familiar embrace of my kitchen and trusted Mackinaw peach. It’s in season, you know.

Bad Gifts

Tim Whatley gave me a label maker a while ago. And I thought that was a bad gift that was re-gifted. Here are a bunch of bad gifts from the Bad Gift Emporium:


http://badgiftemporium.com/

Boston Dynamics Big Dog

This is a video of an amazing animaltronic developed by Boston Dynamic. We need to get a few of these developers hired at Kramerica to start developing our ideas.

English Patient director passes away

Oscar winning director of "The English Patient" Anthony Minghella passed away unexpectedly. He was 54.

Elaine, "Quit telling your stupid story, about the stupid desert, and just die already! Die!"

Can you spare a square?

One of the reasons I flat out refuse to use toilets or perform a #2 at a public place is the common phenomenon known as the shit explosion. You go into a stall, open the door and hope you don’t find a bubbling mess of shit fragments strewn together with toilet paper and peppered with urine on the seat. How shit ends up on the ceiling and adjacent stall is simply beyond comprehension. I mean what do these people eat that causes such a violent reaction of the anus that it expels shit with the force of a 50 ton denotation of tnt? Is it an Orange Julius hot dog followed by a Cinnabon or a hearty helping of Curry In a Hurry with extra chutney that does the damage? Obviously some malls in Vancouver are better than others but in the ones I frequent Metrotown, Pacific and Richmond Center, at least 70% of the toilets are deemed unsuitable for public sitting. People, if you’re experiencing dysentery of the bowels that bad you better keep, for lack of a better word that shit at home.

Good AYCE (All-you-can-eat) places

As we add to our ever-increasing waistlines, we always enjoy an AYCE place. You ask why AYCE? I ask why not? When one can go to any chain restaurant these days and drop $20 on a meal and you still need to add a beverage, it seems appealing to go to an AYCE place. Of course we're not talking about AYCE places like the Dragon Inn (God rest it's soul). Rather, we're talking about places that offer QUALITY and quantity.

There are the usual Chinese-run Japanese places such as Fish on Rice and Top Gun. Lunch and dinner are both good bets at roughly $12 and $20 respectively. Some locations of the Thai House offer a pretty good AYCE lunch on weekends for roughly $11. Samba Brazilian steak house offers a great AYCE rodizio for $13 lunch and $27 dinner ($30 weekends). For those fish n chip fans, Cockney Kings and C-Lovers offer all day AYCE with beverage for $9, M,T,W for Cockney Kings and Sundays for C-Lovers. If you like ribs, then you can't go wrong with Montana's AYCE ribs on Wednesdays for $20 (side ribs) and $25 (baby backs). Lastly, Shabusen offers AYCE Japanese Cuisine and Korean BBQ for $13 lunch and $23 dinner.

I'm not saying we should stuff our faces, but if we're going to spend $20 already, and you're feeling a tad hungry, why not go to a good AYCE? Last time I checked, I spent $26 at Earls on a steak and it was pathetically small. The side dish of 6 button mushrooms and a dollop of mash potatoes had me yearning for McD's afterwards. Therefore, AYCE seems like a real deal, assuming you don't end up at a place like China Kitchen; then you'll be better off eating nothing.

Skytraining in Vancouver

Yes, I’m one of the 1-in-4 Vancouverites who use public transit. Daily, I’m greeted with the prospect of carefully pouring myself into the strange human brew that is our Surrey neighbours to the east, ladies from the secretarial pool, and the very foreign exchange students. Yes, it is a diverse group. Yet we are bonded by not only questionable hygiene but, apparently very precise and defined marketing segmentation.

Take a look around the train next time. No, not at the commuters - I try not to make eye contact. But look at the ads. “Unplanned Pregnancy?”, “Bankruptcy?”, “Need a career change?”, “Got Some Family Abuse?” According to the almighty marketers, this seemingly is what us Skytrain commuters have in common. (See why I avoid eye contact? We look strange and indeed, we are strange).

Every ad revolves around these real but depressing issues. Whatever happened to the Pepsi, Kit Kat, or Garnier Fructis ads? It's not enough that we’re packed uncomfortably close to each other but really, must we be reminded of our inadequacies?

Well, I don’t think we’re all bankrupt unemployed bastards, but crammed shoulder to backpack and reading these ads, it gets downright depressing. So marketers, do us a favour! Bring back the consumer ads - chocoate bars, coffee, hair products (yes, hygiene products please) - and give yourselves a Kit Kat, give us commuters a break!