Friday Fun

Fluid

Bacon Stuffed Pork

Forget about the turkey this year, the bacon stuffed pork is what is going to wow your guests this year!

Here is the recipe.

Baconize your page

Click here for the Bacon version of Vandelay Industries.

Bacon Bath Salts

Now you can take a relaxing bath with the most wonderful smell in the world, bacon.

How to Make Bacon Bath Salts

Joke of the Week

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?" "Of course my child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you".

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!?"

Joke of the Week

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese guy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return..."

Friday Fun

The Quietus Mime Album Guessing Game

9 Year Casanova

This fourth grader, Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet, "How to Talk to Girls," and it became a best seller at his school book fair. Now, Harper Collins has picked it up. Here are some wisdom from this young casanova.

“It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,”

“Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.”

“The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.”

He believes the best way to approach a girl is to keep it to a simple “hi.”
“If I say hi and you say hi back, we’re probably off to a good start,” he said.

I WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE

Step Brothers Gag Reel

If you haven't seen Step Brothers yet, the DVD has just been released.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Joke of the Week

A pastor put together what he thought was a great sermon on heaven. As part of the theme, the pastor would occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

After awhile, the worshipers started getting into the theme and nod their head in agreement. To punctuate his sermon he would occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven? The congregation eventually started responding with a resounding, "Yes" in unison.

As the sermon continued, the preacher noticed one little old lady near the front was sitting still and not responding. Several more times he shouted, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Everyone else responded excitedly, "Yes."

After the sermon the preacher thought maybe he should talk to the lady about her lack of enthusiasm. As she came by to shake his hand on her way out the door the preacher said, "I couldn't help but notice you didn't say 'yes' when I asked everyone if they wanted to go to heaven. Is there a problem?"

The lady said, "No, as excited as you were getting I was just afraid you were getting a bus load together to go today."

Friday Fun

Build your own robots to do assigned tasks:

IncrediBot

Newspaper Ads

Here are some real newspaper clippings.

Real Ads

80's Shawshank

If the Shawshank Redemption was made in the 80's, here is what the ending would be like:

Joke of the Week

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa... go home! You're drunk!"

Friday Fun

A dice game of skill and chance

Zilch

Picking up after your dog

Here is a nice design for a pooper scooper.

Shipoop

Need a Good Lawyer?

Not that your typical lawyer looks like Little John in front of his Mercedes brandishing a Jamacian belt buckle, but this lawyer is probably marketing to the right people he represents. Peter "P'Ta Mon" John Trial Lawyers is the "Q" Firm.

Coolest Lawyer Ever

Worst Breakfast Sandwich Ever

My nominee for worst breakfast sandwich ever has to be Tim Horton's B.E.L.T. You would think that Bacon, Eggs, Lettuce, and Tomatoe on a toasted bagel should be a good idea, but somehow Timmy's has managed to screw this simple concept up. The problem is when you put a slice of raw tomatoe in a super heated environment with egg & bacon, it turns into a flaccid mess. Also, because the bagel is toasted to almost kevlar like hardness, the moment you bite into it, not only does it squirt out the other end but you end up wearing most of it. Definitely not the ideal way to spend a Monday morning. And yes, after eating this horrible excuse for a breakfast sandwich I did get a case of the mondays. Usually I give a three strikes you're out rule with food but in this case one is enough.

100 Movie Spoilers

Flair Hair Visor

Having a bad hair day? Or do you want to cover up the baldness. Try the Flair Hair Visor.

Joke of the Week

A man goes to a disco and starts chatting up a very attractive looking Chinese girl. She appears to be all over him and soon asks him back to her place for a coffee. When they get to her flat she tells him to help himself to a drink while she slips into something more comfortable.

Just as he finishes getting his drink the sexy Chinese seductress returns wearing only a see-through negligee. "I am your sex slave!" she says, "I will do absolutely ANYTHING you want"

Well the man is taken a little bit by surprise and can't believe his luck so he says: "I really fancy a 69".

"Fuck Off" she replies... "I'm not cooking ginger beef at this time of night!"

Friday Fun

Tetris/Jenga Mashup

99 Bricks

Dancing Squirrels

Civilized Approaches to Eating

Eating a chocolate bar with a knife and fork:



How about eating popcorn with chopsticks:

Joke of the Week

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favourite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say "yes", but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay.

She smiled, and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed!

Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed.

They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbour a burning desire to beat her!
In the third week they all had their game faces on... But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life, to beat her. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up.
This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play; it was hard to hold a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushed, and grinned. She said, "That's easy when my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude.

From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.
All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it pointed straight up in the air?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late..."

Friday Fun

Another physics game

Splitter

Men's Underwear Repair Kit

Tired of flipping around your underwear cause all of your other pieces have holes, broken elastic, etc? You don't have to, now that you can get the Men's Underwear Repair Kit.

Inventions

What do popsicles, microwaves, ice cream cones, champagne, brandy, post-its, potato chips, penicillin, pacemakers, and super glue have in common? They are all inventions invented by accident.

Accidental Inventions

Super Tuesday

Today is the day!

Presidential Dance Off



Barack Obama Eats Babies

Joke of the Week

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7am."Signed, "The Blonde."

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Happy Halloween

Have you ever discover a marking on your driveway on the morning after Halloween? Well, there seems to be a Halloween Candy Code among kids such as these markings.

Ethnic Candy

Out of Candy, now giving out sauce packets from Taco Bell

For more markings: Kids Halloween Candy Code

Friday Fun

Test your Short Term Memory

The short term memory checker

German Police are Looking for Animal

German traffic police are looking for a speeding Muppet. An Audio A4 Avant has been repeatedly photographed speeding on speeding cameras. The speed cameras in Germany take pictures of drivers who sit on the left side of the car, so UK cars cannot be identified.

This ingenious driver has strategically placed Animal on the left side of his car.

German police seek speeding British Muppet

What Kind of Food are You?

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Wassup 2008

Let's see what the Budweiser Wassup guys are up to after 8 years.

Joke of the Week

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $5 each. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $5 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $10. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer increased to $15 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50. However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

In the man's absence, the assistant told the villagers "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $45 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never again saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

And THAT ladies and gentleman is how the stock market works...

Friday Fun

Building bridges

Wooden Path

Run across space

Run

Times are Tough

Getting free stuff at McDonald's. Don't forget the free smiles too.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

DIY IKEA Hacks

Here are 10 ideas on modifying your IKEA furniture:

Top 10 IKEA Furniture Mods

I especially like the one to embed a scrap bowl in your chopping table.

Joke of the Week

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in a farmer's garden."I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato" said the boy to the farmer, pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.

"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."

The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "

Yes, I'll give you that one for two cents." replied the farmer.

"Ok," said the small boy, sealing the deal by placing his coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

Friday Fun

Drag a virtual spider around your screen. Sorry, no magnifying glass.

Play with Spider

This game reminds me of the target shooting game you find at the fair. Click on items around the Oval Office to get surprises.

President Palin

Awesome shoot'em up game

Toon Crisis

Amazing Coincidences

I love the introduction to Magnolia, describing coincidences. Here are 10 more to read about:

10 Amazing Coincidences

1 Click Award

A bunch of Japanese men bowing to form the words you type in the text box.

1-click Award

Joke of the Week

A young boy enters a barber shop and the Barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The Barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the Barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store and says, "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

Friday Fun

Test your geometry skills and your eyeballing abilities:

Eyeballing Game

Take On Me by A-Ha

The literal version of Take on Me:



Family Guy's version of Take on Me:

You have to see the baby

Here are some examples of what parents of the 80's do to their kids:



8 Good Examples Of What Happens When Geeks Have Children

#1 Hit Songs

Visual graphs of the top music genres over the past decades


http://www.verysmallarray.com/

Joke of the Week

Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, and I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra: Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black and blue with the skin hanging off in some places.

Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies, "DEEP HEAT?! Are you insane? You can't put Deep Heat on your dick while it's in that condition!!"

Crash says, "I know. It's for my arms - the girls didn't show up..."

Friday Fun

Whiteboard Tower Defense